English

Writing Task 2 – Actual test 06-01-2018: Team sports and individual sports.

Written by Khương Ngọc

Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Today, I am going to write this question, by analyzing the tasks, brainstorming ideas, using the structure suitable, and writing. Then, I will revise my essay with four criteria in Writing task 2 before sending it to examiners or some people who are goods in writing.

I am using the IELTS writing of Kien Tran as a guideline for my writing style.

Analysing the task

The type of essay: Discussion essay. I am going to show two or three benefits of each type of sports in each paragraph. My opinion is placed in Introduction, body 2 and in conclusion.

Brainstorming ideas

Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

I focus on some keywords of the question: more beneficial, in teams, individual sports, is better to ensure that my essay is not off the topic.

Writing

General SentenceIn recent decades, both team and individual sports have been receiving a great deal of media attention around the world due to its positive impacts on our lives.
OpinionAlthough fans of team sports argue that this kind of sport brings more benefits for participants, individual sports have certain advantages for players. 
Topic Sentence 1On the one hand, team sports, like football and basketball, provide a number of benefits to participants.Benefits?
Supporting Ideas 1.1First, by giving players opportunities to play with teammates, there will be more chances for them to develop interpersonal skills, such as teamwork and communication skills.Interpersonal skills
Example/ Result 1.1In fact, since players in team sports are likely better day-to-day social interactions and communications with colleagues at their workplace, which helps them gain stronger social relationships and achieve more success in their work.More particular, end results
Supporting Ideas 1.2Second, if people engage in physical activities of team sports, they will be more likely to develop a sense of discipline and leadership skills.Discipline, leadership
Example/ Result 1.2These skills make them reach their full potential, and they will be more confident in themselves and leading others.End results
Topic Sentence 2On the other hand, individual sports, like tennis and swimming, have their own advantages.benefits
Supporting Ideas 2.1First, if people play individuals sports, they have more opportunities to enhance their personal characters, such as being able to manage emotions, cope with stress, and build confidence and self-esteem.Personal characters
Example/ Result 2.1For example, in order for individuals to succeed in the games, they need to develop a strong mindset to be able to deal with and overcome any setbacks, which cannot rely on the support from anyone except themselves during the game or match, they may face.Strong mindset ~ manage emotions, cope with stress, build confidence and self-esteem.
Supporting Ideas 2.2In addition, by setting their goals and achieving personal bests, they have more sense of accomplishment, blissful, peaceful. sense of accomplishment, blissful, peaceful. 
Example/ Result 2.2This would have a variety of positive impacts not only in the games but also in their life, which has shown that expanding their long-life spans.   expanding their long-life spans. 
Conclusion – restatementIn conclusion, both types of sports offer great benefits to people’s lives.
Closing sentencePeople should choose whatever sport they are most interested in playing.
In table

In recent decades, both team and individual sports have been receiving a great deal of media attention around the world due to its positive impacts on human life. Although fans of team sports argue that this kind of sport brings more benefits for participants, individual sports have certain advantages for players.

On the one hand, team sports, like football and basketball, provide a number of benefits to participants. First, by giving players opportunities to play with teammates, there will be more chances for them to develop interpersonal skills, such as teamwork and communication skills. In fact, since players in team sports are likely better day-to-day social interactions and communications with colleagues at their workplace, which helps them gain stronger social relationships and achieve more success in their work. Second, if people engage in physical activities of team sports, they will be more likely to develop a sense of discipline and leadership skills. These skills make them reach their full potential, and they will be more confident in themselves and leading others.

On the other hand, individual sports, like tennis and swimming, have their own advantages. First, if people play individuals sports, they have more opportunities to enhance their personal characters, such as being able to manage emotions, cope with stress, and build confidence and self-esteem. First, if people play individuals sports, they have more opportunities to enhance their personal characters, such as being able to manage emotions, cope with stress, and build confidence and self-esteem. For example, in order for individuals to succeed in the games, they need to develop a strong mindset to be able to deal with and overcome any setbacks, which cannot rely on the support from anyone except themselves during the game or match, they may face. In addition, by setting their goals and achieving personal bests, they have more sense of accomplishment, blissful, peaceful. This would have a variety of positive impacts not only in the games but also in their life, which has shown that expanding their long-life spans.

In conclusion, both types of sports offer great benefits to people’s lives. People should choose whatever sport they are most interested in playing.

(359 words).

Revise

More colorful with my comments

Check for General Statement.

The first sentence is the General Statement, which I write a statement of what the writing is about. I mentioned to the content of the question – both type of team sports and individual sports.

Check for opinion.

I gave the opinion about the topic, both types of sport have benefits for players. These will become the main ideas of the paragraphs in the body of the essay.

Check for supporting details

Supporting details give information to support the main ideas. In this essay, the body paragraphs each have a main idea and supporting details. Each main idea matches a topic introduced in the first paragraph.

Paragraph 2.

Main idea

  • Benefits of team sports.

Supporting details.

  • To develop interpersonal skills, like teamwork and communication skills.
  • To develop a sense of discipline and leadership skills.

Paragraph 3

Main idea

  • Benefits of individual sports

Supporting details

  • Enhance players’s personal characters
  • A sense of accomplishment, blissful by challenging themselves

Check the conclusion.

I tried to sym up the ideas presented in the introduction. In other ways, I paraphased my opinion in the introduction.

Check for transition words.

I use a number of gray highlighted transition words.

Check for grammar and spelling.

Check for sentence variety

I used a variety of sentence types in my essay including compound sentence, complex sentence, simple sentence.

Compound sentence

In fact, since players in team sports are likely better day-to-day social interactions and communications with colleagues at their workplace, which helps them gain stronger social relationships and achieve more success in their work.

Complex sentence

both team and individual sports have been receiving a great deal of media attention around the world due to its positive impacts on human life.

Simple sentence

 both types of sports offer great benefits to people’s lives.

About the author

Khương Ngọc

Xin chào mọi người. Mình là Khương Ngọc. Mình đã làm việc tại vị trí kỹ thuật viên truyền hình QPVN tính đến nay (2020) là được 5 năm, mình cũng có cơ hội được tiếp xúc với một trong những hệ thống thiết bị truyền hình hiện đại nhất Việt Nam lúc này. Mình rất yêu thích về lĩnh vực giải pháp xây dựng các hệ thống studio, xây dựng các ứng dụng IT, design vì vậy mình đã tạo ra blog Khương Ngọc đã chia sẻ những kiến thức mà mình biết tới các bạn.

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